Warped, Smarped.

Warped Tour is probably one of the most iconic "festivals" in the United States. Probably in the world. It happens every year, without fail, for the last, I think, 15 years now. That's pretty impressive. We have these other mediocre festivals like Lollapalooza and Bonarroo. But.... That shit is for kids who smoke weed and dance around naked to crappy hippy music. Just kidding. Good bands play at both Lollapalooza and Bonarroo, but they're not the same sort of ethos as Warped.

Warped Tour started in 1995, I think (So I would have been right with my 15 year guesstimate) and encompassed the idea of people coming together for one thing: music. Kevin Lyman, Warped founder, got the idea after working on some skate festivals and magazines, so, he took the idea and ran with it as a day for kids who skate and BMX to come, chill in scorching hot weather in the middle of fucking summer, and listen to some hot jamz by their favorite punk rawk bands. 1995 was punk as shit, featuring the Deftones, Guttermouth, Face to Face, and Quicksand. Eventually bands like Rancid, noFX, and Propaghandi joined (And left) the tour due to conflicts of interest between bands play and what have you.

In recent years, we've all heard the drama around noFX's Fat Mike and UnderOATH. Fat Mike called them a bunch of douches because of their stance on gay marriage and something of that douche tastic nature. Eventually they both said they were friends and had civilized discussions about it..... okay? Cool. I guess? Whatever. Anyways, the tour has decreased in "popularity" among the real punk dudes that got their start on the tour. Broadway Calls (A band on Adeline records, you know, that label Billie Jo from Green Day started with his wife, who are strangely enough kind of poppy?) said the following: "When there are 60 bands a day, and a majority of them are made up of either Christian jocks that play REALLY HEAVY MUSIC for Jesus, or pop bands with the only thing separating them from boy bands like Backstreet Boys are their dropped D tuned guitars hanging from their shoulders, it's hard to be comfortable. I look around, and quickly realize that the only difference between this and a huge frat party is that all these idiots play music. Bad music. Unfuckinglistenable music."

(This is where my op-ed starts.)

Those dudes are totally right. I went to Warped Tour last summer because there were some bands I genuinely wanted to see. But instead of it being a bunch of pop punk kids (yeah, I'm one of them. Fuck you, blink-182 and 90's Green Day will ALWAYS fucking rule. so will hit the light's first record. and new found glory. shut it) and aging punks, I had to nagivate a sea of prepubescent little girls in booty shorts with sideways haircuts. Oh. And the little 12 year old boys in girls pants and extra baggy t shirts and new era 51/50's that are a size too large with stupid ass scene haircuts and massive gauges. That's not cool. I mean, granted, yeah, I was there in a white shirt and skinny jeans, but let's face it.... There was never a day where I dressed like that. I never knew any girls in booty shorts either. Whatever, back on topic. It was discouraging to see people flood the stage for bands like All Time Low and The Maine. First off, All Time Low's mini-LP Put Up Or Shut Up was pretty decent in terms of 3rd wave pop punk. And The Maine's first EP The Way We Talk was catchy. I won't deny that. I like pop music, I grew up on doo-wop and motown. I have a soft spot for pop and I listen to it critically like I do all other forms of music. I know when it sucks and when it's not too bad. Whether it's written by some fat fuck in an office or the band themselves, it doesn't really matter. They did something right and it deserves some sort of merit.

But my point is this. There were bands who are really the roots and the bread and butter of Warped Tour, like The Bouncing Souls, Stick To Your Guns [Newer band, but same Boston straight edge punk-ness of some early bands], Pennywise, Bad Religion (Although, I don't think they played the '08 tour), and noFX (Same as Bad Religion, I don't think they played '08). That is the real Warped Tour. The addition of bands like The Academy Is..., Anberlin, Say Anything (I actually really like this band alot, so, I can't trash them), Katy Perry, Paramore, Relient K, and whoever else, is discouraging for kids like me. Who the fuck wants to see Katy Perry to begin with? It's not even like she's good to look at. And Paramore is fine, I mean, sure, cute 19 year old girl listens to hardcore (Every time I see pictures she's in some H20 or Madball shirt. And she married Chad Gilbert of New Found Glory who was in Shai Halud and Burry Your Dead. So). But Relient K? Really? Kids go to Warped Tour now to watch half assed bands play half assed songs that are autotuned. Anthony Ranieri of Bayside said something about this recently that I read on absolutepunk.net I think (lol at that since they rep all these mediocre bands quite frequently, but who am I to talk?). If you go to Warped Tour to see some shit ass band that the label "found" doens't make you punk. Take your gauges out, take off your sisters old jeans, and go back to private school.